If they are primary feelings, now you have to review them and decide if they are healthy and adaptive, or they are not, and if you can rely on them to act.
Healthy —-> you should use them as a guide for action.
NOT healthy —-> it is necessary to change them.
For example, given the same feeling of anger:
- You can decide that your emotions guide you because they provide you with valid information: “I think my anger is adequate, because I have the right to have my needs taken into account when making important decisions in the relationship as a couple and that is not being fulfilled”.
- Or you can decide that your emotions do not help you: “I think that my anger does not fit what happened, it is disproportionate and it shows me my repeated lack of trust in relationships”.